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Smith & Sons Definitely Legitimate Enterprises Ltd
Quarterly Cashflow Forecast & Operational Expenditure Summary
Prepared by the Finance Department (Dave's desk, third drawer)
Ref: CF-2026-Q2-047
Date: 21 May 2026
Classification: CONFIDENTIAL
Status: ApprovedBoard Ratified*
Operational Expenditure — Q2 2026
LINE ITEMAPRMAYJUN (PROJ.)TOTAL
Staff salaries (actual productive hours: 14)£24,000£24,000£24,000£72,000
Coffee to survive Monday morning meetings£312£287£248£847
Pretending to be busy — labour cost£780£810£750£2,340
Nodding in meetings I don't understand£0£0£0£0
Stationery I definitely did not take home£52£61£43£156
Biscuits consumed during "brainstorming"£141£158£124£423
IT support: printer-related psychological trauma£400£400£400£1,200
Suspiciously long lunch breaks (operational)£220£245£215£680
Motivational posters nobody reads£89£0£0£89
Emergency Friday afternoon "team building"£340£290£310£940
Subtotal£26,334£26,251£26,090£78,675
Cashflow Summary
DESCRIPTIONAPRMAYJUN (PROJ.)TOTAL
Revenue (invoices actually paid on time)£0£0£200£200
Revenue (invoices technically outstanding since 2019)£48,000£48,000£48,000£144,000
Revenue (Dave says he's chasing it)£12,000£12,000£12,000£36,000
Misc. income (vending machine refund)£1£0£0£1
Total expenditure-£26,334-£26,251-£26,090-£78,675
Net position£33,667£33,749£34,110£101,526
Notes & Assumptions: 1. Q3 projections assume Dave finally fixes the photocopier before the end of financial year.
2. Outstanding invoices are classified as "in active pursuit" pending confirmation that someone has actually sent a reminder email.
3. Cash reserves are contingent on the vending machine on Floor 2 not eating any further £1 coins.
4. Board meeting scheduled for June has been moved to July. July meeting has been moved to "TBC". TBC has been moved to "we'll see".
5. *Board ratification conducted via WhatsApp. Three thumbs up emoji considered binding under company articles.
D. Efinitely-Working
Chief Financial Officer
"Numbers are just suggestions"
N. Otactuallyworking
Head of Strategic Busyness
"In a meeting (not really)"
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